


what to expect when you're expecting (the end of the world)

by mildlydiscouraging



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Gen, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 20:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3182072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlydiscouraging/pseuds/mildlydiscouraging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dude,” Pete puts a hand on Patrick’s shoulder, “Zombies are real. And they are coming for us.”<br/>“What,” Patrick deadpans.<br/>“For crying out loud...” Andy sighs.<br/>Joe honks the horn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the after afterlife of the party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which patrick is not awake enough for this, pete is bad at explaining, and andy sighs a lot (not always internally).

Of course, when the reports started coming out at first, the fact that Pete apparently knew of a network of underground bunkers in L.A. never came up. Sure, the odd eccentric billionaire would build a private end-of-the-world survival base in Nevada or something, but it wasn’t until they started hearing gunshots from the quarantines that people really started getting nervous.

A few days after they instilled an official curfew in the city, Patrick opens his door at two in the morning to see Pete briefly before he pushed his way inside the house. There’s a van behind him parked at the bottom of the driveway that he doesn’t recognize, but he can just barely make out the shape of Joe’s hair behind the steering wheel.

“Wha-” He turns around to see Pete just around the corner, rifling through his kitchen and pulling open every cabinet and drawer.

“What the hell are you doing?” Patrick almost slips on his own pajama pants as he slides into the kitchen, only to have Pete shove a bunch of boxes into his arms and tell him, “Go take these out to the car,” before running out again.

Taking what appears to be every box of cereal he owns, Patrick slides on the closest pair of sneakers he can find and heads out to the black van, where Joe is somewhat nervously tapping at the wheel and shrugging when Patrick gives him a confused look.

The door slides open as he approaches and Andy leans out to grab the boxes from him.

“Seriously guys,” Patrick tries again, “what’s going on?”

“Pete didn’t...? No, of course not,” Andy gets out of the van and leads them both back to the house.

“The virus? It’s officially an epidemic now,” he explains as they follow Pete’s path of destruction and the sounds of him knocking over things.

“Pete.”

He’s in the bathroom, standing in the shower and trying to decide between two bottles of shampoo. When they walk in, he offers up the two options and asks, “What do you think? Is hydrated hair a priority at the end of the world?”

“What do you mean ‘the end of the world’?” Patrick takes back his shampoo and folds his arms.

When Pete looks over to Andy, he only makes a gesture to say, “this is your fault, fix it,” and stays leaning in the doorway.

“Oh,” Pete says, “I didn’t tell you.”

He climbs out of the bathtub, leaving muddy footprints that Patrick would be more upset about if Pete hadn’t just implied the apocalypse was happening.

“Dude.” Pete puts a hand on Patrick’s shoulder. “Zombies are real. And they are coming for us.”

Patrick continues to look at him strangely, as apparently Pete’s gravitas isn’t enough to make him not sound like a lunatic.

“What,” Patrick deadpans.

“For crying out loud...” Andy sighs and steps in between them, grabbing them each by the arm and dragging them out of the bathroom.

Joe honks the horn outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whATS UP GUYS !!
> 
> after a six year hiatus, several platform (and state) changes, and a hopefully improved vocabulary, i have returned to the murky depths of fall out boy fic. i know, i know, i'm disappointed as well.
> 
> this thing is gonna be three chapters / parts, as you can tell by the "1/3" up there, and i've already written them all!! god bless!! i just have some finishing touches to put on the other two, but i think the whole thing will be finished within the week! god, i'm so timely.


	2. help us andy hurley, you're our only hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which pete has some 'splainin' to do, andy does the actual explaining, and joe still has not had a single line.

“Pete, start packing. Patrick, sit down,” Andy instructs. They both obey, albeit Patrick a little reluctantly.

As Pete takes his time picking out his favorites of Patrick's clothes and Patrick looks on mournfully from the foot of the bed, Andy explains the situation.

"You remember how this whole thing started; people feeling overly lethargic and getting really awful blisters everywhere until the quarantine and everything seeming fine. Well, a few days ago, there were reports that people had broken out of the quarantines. But there wasn't any footage, no pictures to show who or what to look out for, and that seemed weird to me. So I made a couple calls and-"

"Zombies, Trick! I told you zombies were real!"

"Shut up, Pete, go back to your packing. Anyway, he's right, in the most basic sense. None of the news outlets had anything, but the people I found who either worked in the quarantine or were nearby when they escaped said the same thing."

Andy waves his hands around, more agitated than he was at the beginning of the story.

"They looked undead. Peeling skin, guttural moaning, the whole thing. And then this morning the CDC gave a press release that said the virus causes rapid cell decay, so fast that normal cell replenishment can't keep up, and that higher brain functions are shut down to the point where they're all reverting to primal instincts. They'll go after anything with a pulse. And they are."

"So we're going underground," Pete cuts back in. "Literally. There's a bunch of sealed bunkers under the city, and we're headed down there. We're just grabbing all the supplies we could need for the foreseeable future."

That is, apparently, the one thing Patrick can't accept.

"How would we, of all people, get in?" he starts pulling things out of the suitcase and replacing them with clothes he _actually_ wants as Pete just calmly keeps folding.

"One," Pete starts, "all the people who are rich enough already have their own hidey holes. And two," he puts back in all the stuff Patrick's taken out, "you have to know the right people. Not everyone knows the right people, Patrick. Not everyone is as good as me."

Andy rolls his eyes. “Anyway, we’ve gotta get going soon. Joe’s waiting outside and we have to be out of here in,” he checks his watch, a really fancy one with a bunch of dials and buttons that Patrick's never seen before, “five minutes.”

He heads for the door and says over his shoulder, “I’m gonna get some blankets, just in case. You never know what it’s gonna be like down there, especially if the power grid ever goes out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my favorite zombie movie would either be zombieland or shaun of the dead. the funny ones. because there aren't enough funny zombie things and that led me to write this as well.
> 
> stunning conclusion up next!!


	3. more of a nuclear strike than the slow decay of human inteliigence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which pete gets philosophical, joe honks the horn some more, and i thought this was gonna be a cutesy ending.

Andy goes to grab the blankets and make sure Pete had gotten all the stuff they needed, leaving Patrick and Pete to finish packing. He's not entirely sure that's a good idea, as they probably won't be anywhere near done by the time they have to leave, but they've gotta figure their own shit out, so he leaves them to it.

“Oh man, I never thought of that. Dude, what are we gonna do when the internet goes down? What if there’s no wifi that far underground, how am I supposed to keep up my Twitter game?”

“Were you serious?” Patrick asks apropos of nothing as he tries to figure out what shoes to wear.

“About what?” Pete sticks his head back out of the closet. When he sees how forlornly Patrick is folding his socks, Pete drops the jacket he was holding into the suitcase and takes the socks out of Patrick’s hands. He makes a small noise of protest but lets Pete push enough clothes onto the floor to have space to sit next to him.

“Hey,” he ducks his head to make eye contact, but Patrick just looks away again, “what’s up?”

Patrick just sighs and rakes a hand through his hair.

“All that end of the world shit,” he says. “You really think that this is it? That this is the way it all ends?”

“I dunno,” Pete looks out the window at the sun rising over the roofs of the neighborhood. “I mean, it’s kind of a shitty way to go, you know? This can’t really be the end, not this mess. If this whole civilization thing is finally done with, it’s gotta go out with a bang.”

Patrick gives him a look that says, "what part of ‘zombie apocalypse’ isn’t enough of a ‘bang’ for you?", so he explains, “I mean, more of a nuclear strike than the slow decay of human intelligence. Like that.”

“Besides,” he adds, “there’s so many more things we’ve gotta do, more music you’ve gotta write, more words I have to get out of my head. I won’t let the world end until we’re finished with it.”

Patrick finally smiles at that, a little more awake than he had been when he had first been woken up that morning. The past fifteen minutes or so had been a bit of a whirlwind, and he wasn’t entirely sure where this whole thing was going, but he figures if he’s got these three guys, he’s pretty much set.

They both watch the sun’s haze grow brighter and spill in the window until Joe blasts the car horn from the driveway again. Patrick zips the suitcase shut and wheels it to the door, Pete following him with a couple pillows tucked under his arm.

“This is gonna be great,” he enthuses. “It’s gonna be like a clubhouse sort of thing, and if we have to we’ll have the van to go get more supplies, and Andy can kick zombie ass, and we can go on roadtrips and rescue other survivors and stuff. It’s gonna rock, Patrick, trust me.”

Pete grabs a couple of the guitars lying around in the living room, and Patrick grabs his record player and a few of his favorites, and it almost feels like when they start out a tour. At least, it’s enough to let Patrick pretend it is for a second, and that’s okay by him.

“You think I should bother locking the door behind me?” He asks when they get outside. Pete’s already halfway to the van and he can see Andy rolling open the door again

“Of course,” Pete calls over his shoulder as he passes over the guitars into Andy’s waiting hands. “Gotta make sure your stuff stays safe ‘til we come back." He pauses and turns back to look Patrick in the eye. "Because we are coming back.”

Patrick nods in agreement, even though no one can see him, and makes sure to carefully tuck the keys back into his jacket pocket. For when they come back. They always come back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') we did it guys. we climbed this whole mountain. it makes sense that my returning foray into bandom fic would end up with sappy stuff about post-hiatus fob. oh well.
> 
> thank you for reading this, if you've gotten this far! i hope you at least liked it enough to not want to throw your computer through the nearest window.
> 
> hmu on tumblr if you've got any questions or the ilk, or maybe if you just like bands/youtube. thanks!!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you very much for reading!!!! i missed this tbh
> 
> tumblr @[findyourmonsters](http://photocomfort.co.vu)


End file.
